A Royal Dilemma – Have the Media Ruined the Royal Birth

I am not anti-Royal, or pro-Royal, I am like many people in this country ambivalent Royal, they don’t really feature or figure in anything I am interested in, and so I don’t give them a thought.

I do have, as I suspect many people have, a grudging respect for the Queen she does seem to work pretty tirelessly, and at 87 she seems pretty amazing however I wonder had she been born in one of the more deprived places in her kingdom in 1926 her longevity may have been harder achieved. It's not a huge stretch to reach 87 when one has constant and continual access to the very best healthcare money can buy – for example I wonder how many other 92 year olds would be offered exploratory surgery, such as her husband Prince Philip had just a few months ago. I have little doubt she sees her job as a duty, one she has undertaken with absolute devotion since she became queen 61 years ago. But it has been well documented that this was perhaps at the expense of her own children's upbringing.

So do the new breed of young Royals take it all so seriously, and in fact should they? Is my tax pound just going to fund Harry's lavish party lifestyle, or for William and Kate to brandish wands as they look around a Harry Potter theme park, something which would no doubt flourish and make millions without any kind of endorsement from the Royal trendies.

Which brings us on to William and Kate, there can be no argument that bringing in some new blood to the incredibly small stock of British Royalty and aristocracy can only be a good thing, if only because it will mean less people looking like horses! I admit, I did watch the Royal wedding on the telly. I think that the people who loved the wedding the most were Queen Carol Mother of the Bride, who was almost bursting with “haha – yep it's me you f**kers” and Princess Pippa, who so wants to be Kate, and yet for a time was almost more popular than she is, between the two of them, they managed to turn our monarchy into a edition of OK.

Kate is pretty, well dressed, well educated and well spoken, but she is very much devoid of actually ever having had to work for a living, she did work as a buyer for Jigsaw for a short time, but her main claim to work have been for her parent's company (who are by the way millionaires) so assertions of a commoner marrying into the Royal family, whilst technically correct are perhaps a little overstated, this is not a woman who can bring any kind of reality to the surreal echelons inhabited by the Royal Family, she herself is someone for whom the finest things have always come easily.

If there was a referendum tomorrow would I vote YES to boot em or NO to keep em? I really honestly don’t know, the arguments for tourist attractions are persuasive, and of course there is the charity work, but do they actually help raise more money each year than it takes to keep the grinding, chugging Royal raft afloat? Of course, I may vote to boot em simply to see the look on Philip's face when shown his one bedroom flat in sheltered housing!

We all learned about six months ago that Kate was doing what was expected of her; she was pregnant, the royal sprog would be third in line to the throne, and would ascend to the throne when it was their time regardless of the sex.

Let's give two options – see which one you prefer:

Option One

Its about six months ago, and we hear about the Royal pregnancy, but it's just a nice piece somewhere in the middle of the 6pm news, and Kate's trip to hospital for terrible morning sickness is reported about minimally. Following this, during the following few months, we see the odd picture of her looking blooming and beautiful, a few news reports saying all is well etc., and then on the 22 July 2013, there is another news piece telling the public at large that the baby is coming, when the sprog pops out another nice celebration piece showing the announcement outside of Buckingham Palace, plus a few shots of the loonies who have been outside the hospital for weeks draped in Union Jacks, (without any comments about the fact they clearly have nothing better to do and perhaps need psychiatric assistance). Following this, a nice photo call when the bairn comes out, Kate looking tired, William looking proud and a tiny bundle all wrapped up, a few words from members of the public saying how super it is (without needing to break into Knees Up Mother Brown, or anything about old men being dustmen), and a bit of a pomp and ceremony with Changing of the Guards etc – and that's it. Wouldn’t that be lovely?

Option Two – the option chosen by the media.

From the very moment Kate went into hospital with morning sickness, the mainstream media have behaved in a strangely fanatical and obsessed manner, news readers telling us with such fervour that the nation is excited/cannot wait/on the edge of our seats that at times I have checked to make sure I actually am not! There have been reports about everything you can possibly imagine from what the nursery might look like, to the fact that the Middleton family business make baby balloons. If I heard Nicholas Witchell tell us once, I heard one hundred times the protocol for what will happen when the baby is born – normally because the insincere idiot has little else to say.

And of course as the time drew closer and closer, the world's media gathered outside the Lindo Wing, the supposedly £10,000 a night private hospital where Kate gave birth in absolute privacy and luxury.

Each day as she didn't pop, the reports from outside the hospital (in the case of the BBC, I am assuming since they were wasting tax payers money having the aforementioned Nichoals Witchell out there day after day, they had to have him say something, however ridiculous, boring and tenuous) became more pointless and repetitive.

News readers did not fail to remind the nation how terribly excited we all were, and of course businesses keen to make any link with the Royal birth have been producing horrendous memorabilia and tat for people to buy, the worst link I saw was via a British manufacturer (who shall remain nameless) asking their Facebook fans which flavour of Tyrells Crisps (darn I let is slip), most reflected the upcoming Royal Birth……need I say more.

The 22nd July, arrived and in the early hours of the morning Kate went into labour and was off to her luxury private room to give birth (of course hundreds of other British women gave birth the same day in under staffed, less than luxurious conditions (yes I do speak from experience), without the benefit of air conditioning on the perhaps hottest day of the year).

I managed to miss as much as I possibly could, turning over the news until it became actually about news, but I was unable to miss everything.

The following is a very short list of the very best (or worst) of the reporting, I couldn’t stomach watching for too long….

  • We were told how she was in the early stages of labour, and referred back to Princess Diana's 16 hour long and difficult labour when she had William, but informed that it was natural, she had not been induced – over and over again.
  • We were shown the same shots of two middle aged men who were named as the “Royal Gynecologists" over and over, who were in charge of the birth and would be looking after Kate (you can't help but hope they were not and it was a very sensible midwife).
  • The BBC brought out a pet consultant gynecologist and obstetrician who told the nation via a very bad telephone line that Kate would be examined and it would be dependent on how far dilated her cervix as to what the next action would be (no sh*t Sherlock, but really do we need to hear that over breakfast).
  • Quote of the day had to go to Kate Silverton and Nicholas Witchell – Kate obviously had to go back to Nick W again who just as obviously still had nothing to say so when he was asked for an update, and to explain to us all how the mood was he said….”expectant Kate, it's expectant”.

Every single Royal Historian and anyone with a vague connection to royalty or giving birth was trawled out to tell us the same stuff over and over again, debating upon whether it was going to be a boy or a girl…….about Royal protocol and how the notice would be taken from the hospital by a “flunky” as one historian disrespectfully explained it, and placed in a gilt edged frame outside Buckingham Palace telling the over excited nation for whom of course the world had stopped turning as we all waited 'expectantly” the sex and weight of the new baby.

It just went on hour after hour all day long, whilst Kate did of course what millions and millions of women do every year, she gave birth – it hurts, it's messy and it's basic but for the parents it's ultimately wonderful.

Finally we heard it was a Prince, and of course from that moment onwards we can forget about real news reporting the television has been hijacked, and the same historians and pointless people are currently (as I write this) speculating about the name……..

Had Option One been taken, surely the nation really would have been smiling? Instead a nice story has been turned into an absolute media circus by a out of touch media determined to paint a picture that the British public are still in awe of a family who live in ivory towers, who will never have even a moments glimpse or true understanding of the way so many millions are currently struggling in this country and whose lives are gold edged and who are seen as somewhat better than the rest of us.

Perhaps the lady in my local co-op at the checkout this morning, summed it up best “Well really, who cares, but poor cow not too much pressure when you are pushing then” were her words when I commented on the front page of the newspaper I was buying!

I know, had it not been shoved down my throat constantly, I would have smiled, thought how lovely a little boy, what a joy for any new parents, and been quite happy to see it on the TV, before I got on with my own life and my own little boy.

Perhaps the true story is the nature of humanity when so much celebration is had for the birth of one boy, who will live in silver spoon luxury his whole well educated and privileged life, versus the thousands, perhaps even millions born on the very same day into poverty, disease, civil war and oppression.

I just decided – I would vote to boot em!